What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
