apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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