God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
