I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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