I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
