I skipped work to stalk him.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
