ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
