My boss' voice literally gives me gas
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
