But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You smell like a Billy Joel song
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
