man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
