You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
