i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
