so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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