woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
