i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Holy sore nipples Batman
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
