i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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