The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
