i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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