bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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