just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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