I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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