i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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