I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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