I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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