If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
