Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
