I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
