so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
