i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
