My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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