im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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