I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
