Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
