Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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