I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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