New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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