I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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