Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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