mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
