i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
