Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
