Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
