everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
