Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
