so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
