What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
