Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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