oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
