but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
