Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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