She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
