I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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