I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
