Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
