The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize