Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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