I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
