Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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