I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
