she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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