you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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