I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
