In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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