Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
