I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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