When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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