My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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