I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
