Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
