I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
