well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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