my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
