omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
