She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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