you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
