k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
