So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
